Purging Clutter

I have begun a purge.  I felt compelled to buy a book called, The life-changing magic of tidying up.  I hadn't read 10 pages until I purged two large trash bags full of clothes and scarves. 

I am not sure where this purge will lead me, but I am excited to find out.  The people who know me, know that I am frugal.  I love to re-purpose, I love to recycle, I love to find new uses for old things.  But I was feeling stressed all the time.  Feeling like I never got caught up, like I never got things cleaned up, like I never got to the things that I enjoy doing.  I felt unhappy and sad.  So, I started the purge. 

Today when I got to work, I continued the purge in my office.  This is more challenging, because there are lots of things I need to keep.  But there are lots of things I don't.  I threw away, filed away, cleaned and tidied my office.  It felt good to leave on Friday afternoon with a clean (er) office. 

I continued at home, still working on my closet.  More came out.

Cute hair accessories, old nail polish, cute vintage Samsonite luggage,

purses, etc. etc.  As I sat down for a popcorn snack, I went through magazine clippings of recipes I wanted to try and purged more.  (As I'm purging, I'm adding more recipes to my recipe blog, check it out here.)

I am planning to continue all this weekend, at least Saturday.  It feels good.  It feels fresh.  I am not sure what  else I will change after finishing the book, but am excited to see.  I am hoping to purge lots of negative thoughts in the process.  More to be revealed....


 

Blessed Beyond Belief

I have been blessed, beyond belief, to have encountered, loved, counseled and learned from people from all walks of life.  I have had my own beliefs challenged, my tolerances stretched and my mind opened beyond my pre-conceived stereotypes and prejudices.  For all of this, I am grateful. 

I love learning about different cultures, different faiths, different lifestyles and just learning from people how very different their struggles have been from mine.  Some of my beliefs from childhood I have embraced and some I have been ashamed of, but all of them have made me the person I am today, imperfect in every way but still trying to get it right. 

I imagine a world where we would embrace our differences and use our unique talents to figure out how to all live together, rather than trying to be intentionally hurtful in the name of "that's what I believe."  I know what my beliefs are, but I would never be so pompous as to pretend I speak for God or interpret for another what God's word means for another's life, I can only do that for myself. 

I have very strong opinions about things, but mostly in the arena of being the champion for the underdog or working to get people to live together peacefully.  I try very hard not to express opinions that could be hurtful to others, but, again, am not perfect in doing so. 

Let's all try to reach out and touch someone, give a helping hand, find some common ground.  I'm guessing we could all have more peace.

So busy I forget about the people

I like a clean house.  I like to cook from scratch (and by scratch I mean no packets, no mixes, as close to whole food as I can get).  I like to find interesting items at Estate Sales, Garage Sales, Thrift Stores, etc and re-purpose them into something really cool.  I see craft items (mostly jewelry these days) online or in a store and I think:  “I can make that.”  I love to have a house that people walk into and say, “This looks like something from a magazine.”  I like to grow herbs and vegetables and beautiful flowers. 

For various reasons, many with psychological origins and some I’ve spent years in therapy trying to resolve, I am some manner of obsessed with making sure these things happen.  Well, did I mention I have a full-time job, own a retail store with my husband and try to pack as much knowledge in my head on various subjects on a daily basis??? 

So, here’s my problem, I work so hard at making my house comfortable, my yard beautiful and making sure I don’t spend a penny more on anything than I need to, that I forget about one thing:  people.  Yes, sometimes I am so busy making sure everything is perfect for my party, my guests, and my friends and family that I forget to enjoy the people. 

I am independent, sometimes fiercely so.  I enjoy time to myself.  I enjoy getting my projects caught up.  So much so, that I forget how filled up I get by spending quality time with family and friends.  Do you have this need to be perfect?  If so, how do you deal with it?  

Orlando, EAPA, Disney and Kennedy Space Center: A contrast of experiences

I just got back from spending a week in Orlando; quite the contrast in experiences.  First I was there for the EAPA (Employee Assistance Professionals Association) World Conference.  Amazing Conference, in part because they have speakers from around the world and I love the Employee Assistance World.  It rained every day during the conference, probably a good thing because there was no reason to be tempted to hang out by the pool.  For personal health reasons I wasn’t able to attend the last evening experience, to volunteer at the “Give the Children the World” Village.  I’m guessing that would have been life-changing. 

After the conference was over, I polled friends and family and my husband and I decided to go to Epcot Center.  We opted to take the hotel bus, to avoid walking so far before we got in and to save the $17 in parking.  I thought $220 for admission was enough to give Disney before we ever got in.  It was still a very long walk from where the bus let us off and where we had to return to get back on the bus.  At the end of the day, I had a good time and bought some interesting items in the Italian, French, German and Canadian stores.  I was disappointed that many of those stores and a HUGE amount of Disney items were made in China.  I avoided those as much as possible.   We took a couple of boat tours and saw a couple of interesting short films (still don’t know why they make you stand up to watch these, though).

What I did not like:  the decadence: the high price to get in, the lack of anyone inside or outside the gate to greet you, to hand you a brochure, to tell you where everything is.  I felt let down.  Sorta like “we have your money now we don’t really care."  Once further inside there were some very nice and very helpful people, but it is a bit overwhelming when you first enter. 

I did not like the crowds.  I did not like the insanely high price you paid for anything to eat or drink.  I did not like seeing so many children who didn’t seem to be having a good time because they were being dragged around, seemingly beyond their tolerance level, probably because their parents wanted to get their money’s worth before leaving the park.  

I did not like the lack of signage.  I’m sure there were some very cool exhibits that we missed simply because we couldn’t figure out what was there and just decided to move on because we were getting weary of the walking and the crowds.

Next day we decided to go to the Kennedy Space Center Visitor Complex.  What a difference.  From the people who re-directed us to go to another line, where there wasn’t as long a wait, to the people whom we bought tickets from and gave us maps and explained everything to us, to the lady at the food window who offered that I could buy the child’s meal if I wanted to; everybody was nicer, calmer, proud of what they were doing and where they were. 

The music playing caused me to have a sense of pride and awe.  I loved the I MAX movie about the space station and all the cooperation between countries to get it done.  (Wouldn’t it be nice if we could cooperate like that on everything?)  I loved the fact that it seemed as though I could reach out and touch the controls on the space station when I was watching in 3D. I loved seeing space through the Hubble Telescope's Eyes (another I MAX 3D movie we saw while there).

I love the fact that the visitor’s center is self-sustaining.  It was exciting and refreshing to see the “rocket garden” and see how far we’ve come in the space program.  

We loved getting our picture taken with the ‘astronaut’.  I have no idea who was in that space suit and I really don’t care.  It was a fun and exciting day and it made me wish I had not spent any money at Disney and had spent another day exploring the rest of what there was to offer at the Kennedy Space Visitor's Center.   I think it a shame how many families come to the Orlando area and how few take their children to something so historic and magnificent.  But to steal from Dennis Miller, “That’s just my opinion and I could be wrong.” 

Are Credentials Important?

Are credentials not important anymore?  I recently was doing some research for a presentation and came across an article that made some interesting points.  As I have learned to do with articles I find online I probed further to find the background of the person writing the article.  It seems her only credentials were that she had written other articles.  Not to belittle the research that a writer does, but do we no longer care if someone is educated on a particular topic? 

While I have been interested in essential oils and what they will/can do for people; when I started to recommend them professionally and sell them in our retail store, I took some courses and got certified in Aromatherapy.  Just a certificate, but I did the work. 

When I decided I wanted to help people who were having emotional issues related to their handling of money and vice versa, I took some courses and got certified as a Credit Counselor.  That way, I felt more comfortable in combining my mental health/substance abuse counseling with budgeting and looking at what my client’s relationship with money has been. 

Since I have begun working as an Employee Assistance Professional, I have taken webinars, gone to conferences and begun the process of becoming a Certified Employee Assistance Professional.  My mental health/substance abuse licenses would have sufficed, but if this is what I will be doing full-time, I want to be well-armed with knowledge. 

If I write, advise, suggest something from my “hobby” world, i.e. cooking, making jewelry, growing herbs, I make the disclaimer that I do that as a hobby.  Anything else I write about, present about, I make sure I have proper education, knowledge, license, certification to do so.  But that’s just me.  If you want to get your information from someone who sells the product, wrote an article, without doing their homework, that’s up to you. 

Civility in the Workplace

Bullying is a very complicated issue.  We have seen it in the news lately with the Miami Dolphins suspended a player who was accused of bullying.  Most people are aware that it goes on, most people believe it is a problem and a good deal of people are unsure what to do about it.  Most companies or agencies have some of the same issues as any other workplace and each has some unique challenges.  Regardless of what is going on, what I believe and what we know does and does not work in addressing these issues, they are not easily solved.  It is my goal to give you some statistics, share some ideas and hear about some of your challenges.  What I hope you will leave here with are some things to think about. Think about what’s going on in your workplace, how do you contribute to it, how do you work toward solutions and what new things can you try. 

68% of employers surveyed think bullying is a problem

9% of Targets think Management view bullying as a significant problem

76% of Targets think Management sees Bullying as IRRELEVANT

http://www.workplacebullying.org/

Bullying in general is not illegal in the U.S. unless it involves harassment based on race/color, religion, national origin, sex, age (over 40), marital status, disability, sexual orientation/gender identity, Veteran/military status or any other protected class.

What can we do? 

•      Educate Employees on Professional & Respectful Behavior & Company Code of Conduct

•      Have Clear Policies that have zero-tolerance and anti-bullying guidelines

•      Train Supervisors about how to intervene

•      Encourage witnesses to report any incidents immediately.

Kathleen Bartle, Conflict Consultant, Kathleenbartle.com, says:

Bullying and abrasive behaviors are deep-seated problems. Many behaviors are unconscious. Most aggressors are unaware of what they are doing. Even those who seem to be deliberately choosing a target for bullying behavior may not realize how aggressive they are. Without a full intervention by a qualified conflict expert you should expect that the behavior will continue. So, what about dismissal?

My recommendation is that you should not dismiss someone for behaving in an aggressive or bullying manner until you have had an intervention that has some likelihood of success. Warning, ignoring, cajoling, etc. are not among them. You need a good investigation and evaluation of the situation. You need a model for evaluating the aggression that takes into consideration various factors including: the culture of the organization, character disorders, poor management styles, biases and prejudices of the aggressor, and awareness of how the behavior is described by the aggressor. Without this information you can expect to have a problem that will fester until someone is fired, quits, hurts him or herself, or someone files a lawsuit.